Archive for June, 2011



“Laugh, and the world laughs with you.” “Laughter is the best
medicine.” We accept these and other similar phrases without question;
but below the surface we discover that laughter is not necessarily about
mirth. Laughter is a versatile expression of a wide range of emotions.We
have the amazing capacity to laugh and be happy, if only for a moment,
even when our hearts are sorrowful. There are times when we have had
to restrain ourselves at funerals, as tributes referenced some hilarious
incident that occurred in the life of the recently departed. How we use
laughter says a lot about us. Someone who is usually kind can become
downright mean and nasty in an instant, using laughter as their weapon
to embarrass, mock or heap sarcasm and ridicule on some hapless
person. Curiously, we also use laughter to keep our own pain and
frustration at bay (“If I don’t laugh, I’ll cry!”), and to ease our distress
during difficult emotional moments.

You may find that much of your laughter comes, not from your
happiness, but as a way of keeping you from being sad. It’s good for you
to use it as an emotional stabilizer. If you have no laughter in your life,
you need to surround yourself with others who can share their gift of
laughter with you. If you are one of those with it bubbling up inside, be
grateful for a gift that’s capable of satisfying so many of your
emotional needs.



Oh hell! What the hell? It was a hell of a fight! Hell, no! Hell, yea!
Going to hell in a hand basket. Come hell or high water. How the hell
are you? One hell of a good time! It will be a cold day in hell…or, when
hell freezes over. You have a hell of a nerve! She was the mother-in-law
from hell. Go to hell! Get the hell out! Who the hell do you think you
are? He was running like a bat out of hell. She is hell-bent on having her
own way. All hell broke loose! Just for the hell of it. Let’s give ‘em hell!

If you have used any of the above expressions or something similar, at
any time, it means that you acknowledge the likelihood that hell exists.
What is probably debatable is whether hell is a physical place, or a state
of mind. Regardless, hell has never been advertised as a place any of us
would like to visit, even for a night. How then do you avoid a place you
have every reason to stay away from? You take the road that leads in the
opposite direction: a life of faith in God.


Realistic Expectations

When we sign on to the marriage contract we are making a
commitment to put another person on the same level as ourselves. We
are promising to be there in good times and bad. Somewhere in this,
some of us make the mistake of believing that the partner is now
responsible for our happiness and well-being. Some even think that the
early state of euphoria can last forever. These major misunderstandings
set expectations for the relationship that cannot possibly be realized. In
time, we can feel so trapped by responsibilities that we lose our hopes
and dreams. Some elect to stay in the marriage, regardless, while others
elect to get out and try to find happiness with another partner. Those
who elect to stay need an objective analysis of the relationship, to ensure
there is enough to sustain its continuance.

When you are unhappy in your marriage, but have elected to stay, you
shouldn’t keep looking for reasons to leave. If you really wanted to go,
you should have done so. Concentrate on the positive aspects that kept
you in it. It is counterproductive to dwell on past hurts. Make every
effort to create an environment that facilitates your ability to be happy.
It is not your partner’s job to make you happy; you have to do that for



Even if it’s out of sheer ‘cussedness,’ being left empty-handed should
not be an option for us. We should make sure we take something from a
failed relationship that we can use in the future. If we brought it to the
relationship and it’s of value to us, we should try to retain as much of it
as we can. On the other hand, we must have something to show that the
time spent in the relationship was worthwhile. So, if our former partner
spoke a language we didn’t speak, let’s hope we now speak that language.
If we were told a lot of lies during the relationship, here’s hoping that we
are now expert at differentiating truth from falsehood. If we were
demeaned and our confidence is now in tatters, we should use this
experience to identify toxic and unhealthy behaviour the next time we
encounter it.

June 2011
« May   Jul »