Archive for May, 2011



At first glance, it seems that darkness and friendship don’t belong in the
same sentence. ‘Dark’ has a negative connotation – as in ‘dark’ secret,
‘darkest’ Africa, ‘under cover of darkness,’ and so on. Yet, within
darkness we’re able to find a place of peace and tranquility, where we can
enjoy a time of quiet reflection. As we close our eyes to meditate, we are
enveloped in darkness, and in this space we’re able to reconnect with our
inner selves, and recharge our batteries. Somehow, within this darkness
we feel unexposed and safe – we almost feel invisible. It’s no wonder
then, that we usually conduct our intimate relations in darkness. As we
know now, understanding life is more about attitudes than it is about
absolutes. So, when we utilize the positive aspects of darkness, we can
erase some of the fears usually associated with it.

You must have experienced days when you felt dark and joyless, and
couldn’t envision any benefit from feeling like that. When this happens,
just focus on the fact that time moves on; be patient, and light will
return. In the meantime, if you are able to use the darkness to enhance
your relationship with yourself, and with God, then darkness is truly your


Control or Love

So often when love comes into our lives we think it’s an opportunity to
control someone else. Some believe the loved one is their exclusive
property, and the desire to spend time with anyone else is viewed as a
negative reflection on the relationship. If this loved one is as wonderful
as we believe, isn’t it likely that others could feel the same level of
attraction? Love flourishes in an atmosphere of openness and trust. It
does not fare as well if it’s restricted and smothered. Even when a
relationship is going well, it’s unnatural to be with one person to the total
exclusion of everyone else.

If you believe that the only way to hold someone’s affection is through
tight control, there’s something amiss in the relationship. No two people
can interact exclusively. Even when someone loves you, it’s natural for
them to need other people in their life. You don’t need tight control to
keep your loved one connected to you; your trust and willingness to give
them space will go a long way toward encouraging them to stay.


Being Happy

Do we honestly believe that the way we feel is really totally dependent
on someone else? Our emotions should never be handed over to another
person, as no one can take better care of them than we can. This view
rings hollow in a world where we are exposed daily to messages
attempting to convince us that material things are the cornerstone of
happiness. (Ever heard of the Poor Little Rich Girl?) All the ‘stuff ’ that
we are enticed to acquire is of little importance if the voices in our head
drown out any feeling of well-being.

It’s wonderful if you have someone who encourages you and assists
with the building of a happy and secure you. Feeling good from the
inside may take a lot of work but it’s the core on which you need to
depend. You have to feel good about yourself, before someone else can
make you feel extraordinary. No external source can make a positive
difference without your laying the foundation. You are your only
constant companion and when others leave, with their feelings and
words, you won’t be deprived of the basic source of your happiness, only
of the ‘extra.’



We are so dependent on genetic and environmental factors, that it
makes a mockery of the term ‘self made.’ Our emotional stability, or lack
of it, bears a direct relationship to our past. Even seemingly
well-adjusted people carry with them the pain from some personal
tragedy in the long-distant past. This usually involves loss -maybe the
loss of a loved one, or the loss of childhood because adulthood was
thrust upon them much too soon. Our past shapes us not only
emotionally, but physically too, as our genes decide whether we remain
reasonably healthy or develop major illnesses. Even minor emotional
issues, and how we deal with them on a daily basis, are governed by our
past. Most of us would like to think that we have moved beyond the
pains of our childhood, but every now and then they resurface in the
quiet of our thoughts. Once again we feel, even fleetingly, the pain we
felt in the moment a long time ago


Figure It Out

We have all been “there” at some point. Some of us see “them” in our
distant future while others wake up and find ourselves camped at the
foot of “them.” They are hills, or mountains, depending on the height
we have to climb to overcome them. This is also a matter of perspective
– what is a mountain to some of us may seem like a mound of dirt to

It’s important that you decide whether a problem is a mountain or a
hill, as this influences how you go about solving it. It may be that you are
able to visualize its resolution and see yourself skipping down on the
other side of the slope. Alternatively, this one may be either too big for
you alone or just too big, period. Don’t let fear, in any shape or form, rob
you of your right to decide the ultimate solution to your problem. You
may be unable to do this alone; it’s really amazing that help comes from
the most unlikely sources. There is a path around, through, over or

May 2011
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